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A review of Wii Virtual
Console titles released in October 2007.
-- By
Myrtle T. Blinkin,
Senior Citizen
October 1st, 2007
Super Mario Bros.: The Lost Levels,
Nintendo, NES: 
"No, honey, it's not lost. Your grandpa keeps his level on the
shelf right next to his hammer and his sticky old man pornos. You look
ill, dear, do you need some VapoRub? I know just where your grandpa
keeps it, on the shelf right next to his level and his hammer and...."
Sin and Punishment: Successor of the Earth,
Nintendo, Nintendo 64:
"Successor of the Earth? That would be Franklin D. Roosevelt. He
spent 37 years in office, invented social security checks, and saved
the Earth from ro-butt ape creatures. The 'D' is for Deniro."
October 8th, 2007
Art of Fighting, D4
Enterprise, Neo Geo:
"Oh, dear, lightning is not an art. Your uncle Murray was under a
tree that was struck by lightning. He just sent me a postcard. It's
here somewhere, but I can't find it. Your uncle soiled himself that
day, I can tell you."
Fatal Fury, D4 Enterprise,
Neo Geo:
"Squirrels are furry. I like to watch the squirrels. For me, they
dance a beautiful ballet of dancing dances with ballet and dances. In
return, I feed them peanuts from a bag I keep in my pocket."
World Heroes, D4
Enterprise, Neo Geo:
"I have cancer and it kind of tickles."
October 15th, 2007
Ninja Gaiden II: The Dark Sword of Chaos,
Tecmo, NES:
"This is my daughter, Anne. She's skinny as a coat rack because she
never finishes what's on her plate! ... Wait, you're not Anne. You're
a coat rack."
Metal Marines, Namco
Bandai, SNES:
"My husband was in the Marines during World War I. He met Bob Hope
while he was stationed in Columbian Republic. Of all the men in his
platoon who survived, he had the most medals."
Gate of Thunder,
Hudson Soft, TurboGrafx-16:
"My cat used to always hide under the bed when he heard thunder.
Until he went deaf. That's why he never knew what hit him when your
grandpa caught his tail with the hedge clippers last week."
October 22nd, 2007
Lunar Pool, D4 Enterprise,
NES:
"I've had some very irregular bowel movements since I started
eating these fiber pellets, you know, like the ones the rabbits eat,
but certainly nothing I would call lunar."
Ninja JaJaMaru-kun, Jaleco,
NES:
"Every time I try to roll out the front door to the porch, I
remember that you tied my wheel chair to the sink. Just you wait. One
day I'll get a Rascal or call a plumber."
Golden Axe III, Sega, Sega
Genesis:
"I have all sorts of knick-knacks in the hall cabinet. Have I shown
you my doll collection? I have lots and lots of beautiful dolls that
never, ever talk back."
October 29th, 2007
Castlevania II: Simon's Quest,
Konami, NES:
"The real blood-suckers are the IRS. I haven't filed taxes in six
or seven years. Let 'em come and get me—they can take my monies from
my cold, dead hands!"
Samurai Ghost, Namco
Bandai, TurboGrafx-16:
"When I was a little girl, I was playing in the street and I
accidentally hit ole Johnny Law with my shoe! Only it wasn't a shoe
back then, it was cardboard wrapped around your feet. The richers had
twine."
Magician Lord, D4
Enterprise, Neo Geo:
"What's a Neo Geo? Who the hell cares?"
--
Myrtle T. Blinkin {11-2007}
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