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Choose your own adventure in this RPG-esque adventure that lets you—the reader—vote on its outcome. Jump right in!; you don't need to have read the previous chapters to understand what's going on this month.
Chapter Forty-One Rivers Duo: Oh right! That person isn't n00b! I know who it really is! Narrator: All right, Rivers Duo announced who n00b really was. Narrator: And it was exciting and not Enrique. Rivers Duo: It's Enrique! Rivers Duo: I'd recognize that "moo" anywhere! Necrostreeb:
GASP!!! Narrator: Booooring. Barin: Not that bastard again! I thought he was already gone from my story! Narrator: I was hopping for Murray. Barin: Barin then narrated himself into a clearly fearsome pose. Narrator: No, he didn't Barin: Explain yourself, Enrique! Or DIE!! n00b: Moo. Rivers Duo: Glad to see you back, Enrique! n00b: I don’t see Enrique n00b: Where is he? Necrostreeb: Enrique?? My Streebless spoke of you! n00b: Oh god.... Narrator: Enrique is clearly in no “moo”d to explain himself, so Rivers continued his tirade against the Barin. Rivers Duo: Barin! If I wasn't some kind of toothless wolverine lizard thing, I'd kill you right now! This is CLEARLY my story! Barin: YOUR story, is it? Funny, because you sure as hell don't look like any main character. n00b: You don't
even have a cape! n00b: All main characters have capes. Narrator: That’s true. Rivers Duo: I don't need a freaking cape! n00b: Whatever man. Narrator: Necrostreeb has a cape. Barin: No! It can't be! Rivers Duo: You're going down Barin!! Necrostreeb: Whoops! Narrator: Now Narrator has the cape. n00b: Stylin'. Barin: Narrator? NARRATOR?! What sort of main character could HE make?? Barin: You give me that right now, or TASTE MY COLD STEEL. Necrostreeb: I need that cape to avenge my dead lover I MEAN APPRENTICE. Rivers Duo: Man, I thought there was something freaky going on between you two.... Narrator: What about you, Enrique? Narrator: Do you need it, too? n00b: No, I’m good. Rivers Duo: Aha! I knew it! Rivers Duo: You're Enrique. Enrique: Stop lying. Necrostreeb: The cape's got poisoned barbs, you know, so be careful. Narrator: So! Necrostreeb gets the cape again. Narrator: And gets poisoned by the barbs. n00b: Harsh. Necrostreeb: Hah! The cape was NOT poisoned, and now I can proceed with my evil doings! Narrator: Well, he is the main character. Enrique: You can’t undo the words of the narrator. Barin: I'M THE MAIN CHARACTER YOU BASTARDS!! ME!! ME ME ME!!! Necrostreeb: Oh.... I can feel it seeping through my veins.... Narrator: AND THEN PIRATES BUSTED INTO THE ROOM. Barin: Pirates??!
Enrique: OH MY, are those PIRATES?? Necrostreeb: The poison...it...burns.... Enrique: I think they are here to kill us all! Enrique: It says so on that sign they have! Necrostreeb: Someone help me.... Barin: Perhaps they will join my party! Narrator: Pirates from the first season of The Gates of Life, they were. Barin: Greetings, fair pirates! How would you like to join me and my surly crew? Necrostreeb: I can barely draw breath.... Narrator: But, as pirates do, they follow the cape. Barin: Come, help me vanquish these peons! Barin: HELP ME VANQUISH THE PEONS DAMMIT. Pirate: No, sir! We came to help the Cap'n! Barin: I'M THE CAP'N! Barin: HELP ME! Necrostreeb: Oh, my dear Streebless...I may see you sooner than I had thought! Enrique: Lies. Necrostreeb: Farewell world! Pirate: No cape! No Cap'n! Barin: If you are not with me...then you are against me! Barin: PREPARE TO DIE. Rivers Duo: I'm so gonna be the main character after this. Enrique: You wish. Necrostreeb: And yet? The death blow does not come. Narrator: Because you aren’t dying. Narrator: Stop your monologue. Necrostreeb: AHA! That's right! It was a NOT-fatal poison that I put on this cape! Narrator: It just gives you wicked diarrhea. Narrator: For like eight months. Enrique: Well that was pretty brilliant. Barin: DAMN YOU ALL. Necrostreeb: Oh curses, and these were my best trousers. Enrique: You can’t be the main character if you can’t even get anyone to pay attention to you, Barin. Narrator: Here’s an idea! Narrator: Let's
let the reader(s) decide who the main character is!
Which Gate Do You Choose? Barin his Teeth! Barin: I am the main character, you BASTARDS!! Follow the Rivers! Rivers Duo: No, I am the main character! Strange Creature: You will give me back the whistle. What? Really? Necrostreeb: I’m the main character?! Seriously? Spoonlad: Has anyone seen my girlfriend?! Jason and the Arrrghonauts Pirate: I’ve been around longer than any of you! Except Barin! I should rightly be the main character! Barin: That doesn’t make much sense… but I agree! I’ll follow you to the bitter end, Pirate! Necrostreeb: Me too! Tryn: And so will I! Render: And me, as well! Muahahahaha!! Enriquemania Returns! Large Stone Wall: IiiiiiiiiIIiiiiii aaaaaaam theeeeeee neeeeeeeeew maaaaaaaaaain chaaaraaaaaacteeeeeeeer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Enrique: Lame. -- Matt Gardner, Eric Regan, Elizabeth "Lizo" Medina-Gray and Paul Franzen {01-01-2007} Rate this article — |
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Past Editions of The Gates of Life:
Chapter 40: Toot toot! |
