GameCola: Versus Mode (5-7-2)

You know him from 0wning the Competition, and you know the other him from Player Two. That's right! This month in Versus Mode it's:

Kevin Leacock vs. Janra Roberts~!

1. Gamer's will flock to the Postal movie to see Uwe Boll get his teeth knocked in.

Kevin: Initially I was going to say "no" simply because I don't know who he is, so why I would go see him get his teeth knocked in? But I figured that maybe, just maybe, I might give some effort, and asked Paul why I should care:

cm00tito: ...who is Uwe Boll, and why should I care?
xthebigp: guy who makes EVERY SINGLE BAD VIDEOGAME MOVIE EVER

If this is indeed the case, and most gamers (other than me) know who he is and what he does, than yeah, they probably would go flock and see him get his arse kicked. However, I don't know who he is, so I wouldn't flock off to see this movie for that reason.

Doesn't he just make you wanna punch him?

Janra: This is a sad man's attempt to make people like him. It's a sad, sad, sad man who needs help, love, and/or a good kick in the ass. "Oh boo hoo no one likes my movies! They all say they suck without watching them! Waaaaah!" Welcome to America, sir. We kick he asses of the people we DO like, and the ones we don't? Holy crap they better run. Aren't you from Europe? Don't you see how we don't treat anyone with any respect? And face it my friend, no one will see your movies if they think they will suck. You can't just brow beat people into having an informed opinion about your work. The movie-going public aren't critics. They spend their money on things that will be entertaining. i\If it doesn't look entertaining, then fuck it; they won't see it. You aren't trying to make movies for an art house here, bubba.

And boxing? This is a draw now? No, I don't think anyone will want to go see the movie for that. Why? THEY'LL DOWNLOAD IT ON THE INTERNET. In the article they said that the boxing matches will be broadcast, and even if you have to pay, someone will be capturing it for us all.

So sit back, train yourself, and hope for a good match Mr. Boll...and don't worry. Just 'cause you're a ratings whore doesn't make you as bad as Paris Hilton. No wait, it does. Damn. That's sad.

2. Pro gamers are worth $250,000 a year.

Kevin Leacock: Fuck no. I feel games should not be considered a sport of any sort. Games are developed for people to play for fun. I don't feel you should be paid to sit around and play games all day. It's just not how it's meant to work. "Like any professional athlete, I want to be the best at what I do, and getting this contract shows the dedication I've put forth." This statement, by pro-gamer Tom "Tsquared" Taylor, reflects this attitude that games are being treated like a sport, along with all this fuss about gaming in the Olympics.

Now before you start having a go at me saying that baseball is for enjoyment too, so why should I support THEM earning money to play it, I don't. Even if I did, the Olympics are, by definition, about physical endurance and strength, so if ANYTHING games should be in their own competition, not the Olympics. Gamers are (stereotypically) not by definition "fit" enough to do this sort of thing. I enjoy rolling around on the floor curled up in a ball like a fucking twat, but you don't see me trying to get
paid for it, or pushing for it to be an "official sport," or even claiming that I do it at "Olympic level" and deserve a gold metal. So fuck off.

Janra Roberts: You know what this is? This is amazing. This is astounding. This is one of the single greatest things to happen to our generation. You know why? Because its the biggest CON that I've ever heard a 19-year-old do. And it's all freaking above board! My god! He gets paid to play videogames. Jesus! And a good amount, too. That's like...that's like ten times what I make in about a year. If he's smart he'll be set for life, and he'll only have to play for a few years.

The problem, as I see it, is that gaming is not a sport. Gaming is run by computers, and as such there are always things that you can do to gain the same effect each and every time. There is no game that has a randomizer good enough to simulate the real world, in all its variations. A ball player cannot do the same action and get the same result. They can try, and if they get good enough they can succeed, but there are many MANY more obstacles in the way of that.

So good for them. They have reached (or almost reached) the pinnacle of their game, and they are only in their early 20s. Here's hoping they aren't all spending that money, or we'll see them on a "where are the now" with a pot belly and a run down used game store.

P.S.: Did you notice how all those guys are fit and in shape? You know that they aren't the best gamers out there because they spend time eating right and exercising. If you want to be the best at your craft, you can't waste time like that. I bet there's some dork with thick-ass glasses, a huge stomach and greasy hair just WAITING. And on that day I will laugh. Run pretty boys, run!

3. The (more-or-less) loss of Bill Gates could spell the end for Microsoft.

Kevin: Not necessarily. Bill Gates might or might not be utter crap, but that doesn't subtract from the fact that, on a whole, most of Microsoft's products are crap. Attention Windows users! How many times have you had to have Windows reinstalled? Spyware? Popups? Virii? Ads? You know what
I'm talking about. Especially if you're reading this with Microsoft Internet Explorer. And surely you're all familiar with the Blue Screen of Death?

And it's not just Windows, either. How many bad batches and recalled original Xboxes were there? And the 360s, especially considering how long THEY'VE been out? No, Bill Gates doesn't spell the end of Microsoft, the end of Microsoft consists of all the Microsoft fan-boys realising what crap it all is and uprising and switching to competing systems. Like Linux. What's that? Can't be arsed to figure out how Linux works? I agree, it can be quite complicated, and it can take some considerable time and effort. Get an Apple!

The end is near.

Janra: Good for him. For all the crap that people sling around, for all the insults to the system, good for him. The Gates Foundation is a huge and important organization, giving millions and sometimes billions of dollars in aid to countries and people that need it. Its contributions total 1/10th of any and all philanthropic giving in the US. Let me say this again... ONE. TENTH. This means out of EVERY dollar given from EVERY organization in this country, a dime comes from the Gates Foundation. In a few years that number will grow. Right now, they give money to the third world, and they are currently stepping into the realm of social reform at home—especially high school improvement.

Think about it. An organization of 30 billion dollars, using its power and prestige to effect change in our schools. In our health care. In many places. Let me put it another way. They are basically running this thing like they started Microsoft. And now they are the biggest in their field. Scared yet?

As for Microsoft: 1) They aren't losing him, 2) The company isn't run by his force of will alone anymore (note I said anymore) 3) They still have Ballmer for their onstage antics. And damn if he isn't funny.

...seriously. A tenth of all charitable giving in this country comes from that one place. Think about that for a bit, and then move on to the next topic.

4. PS3 could be the big loser in the next-gen wars.

Kevin: To be honest? I'll give my whole opinion on the next-gen wars WHEN the next-gens start. Right now the only one out is the 360. But, Paul probably wants me to write something for this, so I may as well. The following text is my gut reaction to the next-gen wars, and is subject to change as things progress.

At the moment, my gut is telling me that the Wii is going to come in first, followed by the PS3, followed by the 360. Now, this could be something to do with my irrational hate for Microsoft, or it could be that they pulled a "Sega" in doing with the 360 what Sega did with the Dreamcast. They released it TOO early, and quite frankly, I don't think it was done yet. There's already been countless problems with it, and it's not likely that more won't crop up. They just didn't think it through. (And a damn shame too, cause the Dreamcast was one of my favourite systems.)

Janra: Of this I have no doubt. With the 360 already out on he market, the Wii having a possible launch in November this year, and Sony not making any headway until next year? In essence, They've skipped a generation. Consoles last between 2-4 years, from launch till the last one is sold. In that time though, especially the last year, you make another one. That way the last year of your first console is driven by late adopters, those who want to stay behind the curve because of cost.

So Sony has basically said "screw everything, we're taking a year off." Funny thing is, they were the first to announce that they were making their next-gen console. Remember those articles about the "cell" chips?

What they are doing, and what they apparently don't care about, is shutting people out before they even release a proper demo. How could you let the price like that slip out? How can you even think that losing the GTA exclusive contract won't hurt you? And how can you release info about a system that is all power? Where's the heart, Sony? Where's the love?

The reason the PS2 did so well is because it was cheap, it was accessible, and it had tons of fun games. This...this THING that they are pushing is none of these things. All I know about this console is that the games will be so much more prettier. Who the hell cares? Will they be fun? Will they make me want to play over and over? Sony has the Squeenixitis...make your games really pretty, and it doesn't matter what the storyline or gameplay is like! Kingdom Hearts was better than KH2 for a simple reason: They spent more time on gameplay and story than on graphics. They kept it simple and let the public fall in love with it. Simplicity is key in any market .You get too technical and...well, you get the Atari Jaguar. And no one wants that.

5. A game's graphical quality is more important than who made it.

Kevin: So I'm standing in Game staring at two titles. One has shitty graphics, but is made by a game company I have come to like and respect. The other has excellent graphics, but is by a company that I loathe and wouldn't trust with a pile of my steaming crap, much less my gaming system. Which one am I going to go with? That's how I read this phrase. Personally, and obviously, the first game is
going to get my money. To me, a game's publisher and developer is just as important as the game itself. In some (rare) cases, it may even be more important. So for this one? I'm gonna have to say no.

It's absolutely hideous, so it must be a bad game.

Janra: Man, after that who thing I gotta talk about this more? Too funny, I say. Here's the thing: There are only precious few authors, singers, bands, artists, whatever creative job you can think of. that can actually say "this is a thing I made. I will get paid for it no matter what it looks like" because that's usually crazy talk.

Think about your favorite mainstream band/singer. They have a new CD out. Do you read a review of it? Do you try to get a clip of it? No. It's your favorite, you know they make good product, so you go buy the thing. Same thing with Nintendo, with Square Enix, with Rockstar. Well, maybe not Rockstar. But still, you get the point. Really it usually doesn't matter who makes the game; it's the game's quality that matters. But if you see a new Zelda game on the shelf, you don't really need to wonder if it'll be good. You know it probably will be.

This is a good thing over all...we shouldn't become too complacent with our "rockstars" of programming. We can't just see a Nintendo game and say "GOLD!!" You should think about everything, review everything and make sure that it's what you want. It's not like the Internet is devoid of conflicting opinions, and that's where you'll get the best information, in dissent, and then the fight against that dissent.

-- Kevin Leacock and Janra Roberts {07-15-2006}