Platform: Microsoft Xbox
Genre: First-Person Shooter
# of Players: 1-8
ESRB Rating: Mature
US Release: August 2005
Developer: High Moon Studios 
Publisher: Capcom/Ubisoft

Review by: Joel Tandberg

OK, I’ll admit it: I’m an impulse buyer. Ask Travis; he’ll tell you. I buy all kinds of shit, from my uber cool phone to my new watch. Most videogames I own fall into one of two categories. I either:

A. Bought it because I was waiting for it and had to have it, or 
B. Was at Best Buy and said “Meh…I might as well try it.” 

See, I hate renting games. I don’t have a real reason, either. It could be because I then feel forced to try to get into them whether I can fit them into my schedule or not. It could just be because...aww fuck it, on to the review.

Darkwatch. Stupid name. Strike one. Strike one is quickly removed when I find out Rose McGowan does voice work for a main character. I’ll admit it: She’s a hottie. If you need further proof, pop the first Scream movie in you DVD player (or your VCR, you retro animal you) and fast forward to the nipples, I mean girl, getting beer in the garage. Now you understand how quickly the strike was taken away. 

OK, you know the drill; the game's like Halo, GUN, etc. Run, shoot, maybe ride a horse, yadda yadda yadda. Here’s their particular spin on things: You are now undead and are fighting other undeads and trying to redeem yourself by saving others and destroying evil-doers. I guess it’s not the most original script, but I was able to run with it and not really care one way or another. No strikes to give there.

The gameplay is fairly straightforward, which is nice because sometimes I just want to kill things. There are enough “challenges” to keep you busy and guessing. Example: There are some scary chicks who levitate and look like Marla Singer from Fight Club. If you aren’t aiming for their heads and just keep shooting them in their bodies you eventually shoot their arms of, and that really brings out their power animals and can really fuck up your penguin's ability to slide. Damn you Marla! You fucking tourist, I NEED THIS!!!

The weapon selection is damn good enough if you ask me, and my personal favorite touch of any shooter game is when the designers make the handgun pretty much the best weapon in the game if you know what you’re doing. (I still dare anyone to mess with me and the pistol in the first Halo—I will end you). None of the levels are especially long, but none are real short (see: Red Dead Revolver). I was playing the Xbox version, so it was actually really really damn fast. The load times were usually under five seconds, and I didn’t notice any glitches. 

Past Reviews by Joel Tandberg:

The Godfather (MXB)
Castlevania: Curse of Darkness (MXB)
Forza Motorsport (MXB)
Red Dead Revolver (MXB)