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GameCola Headquarters Dear Readers, Before we get started on my latest humble gift to humanity, I'd like to give a quick shout-out to my peeps over at MAGFest, which, according to no less than its creator, is an absolutely boss hog gaming con. There's gonna be tourneys, musical performances (including the MINIBOSSES!), cosplay contests, a LAN room, a video room and more throughout this three-day event; and there might even be a few 'Colalites in attendance. MAGFest hits Vienna, VA this January, but if you wanna get in cheap you might wanna get your tickets now, as the presale sale ends at the end of this month. That said, my subject of the month is this: GTA. (I try to be as timely with these things as possible.) A few weeks ago, as I was on my way to writing about the top ten dining room chairs for my summer internship, I finally figured out exactly why the GTA series irks me so much. It's not because it's a bad series, or because it's too popular for my ultra-rebellious attitude; but rather, it's because there's so little to do in it. No, seriously. What's there to do after you've had your fill of whooping hookers at will? Nothing. Except maybe the boring and painstaking missions, though I guarantee you no more than a third of the people who own San Andreas have ever gotten a third of the way through it. Since the game's so popular, it's gotta work that much harder to entertain me—it's gotta justify why it's worth so much love. GTA doesn't even come CLOSE to doing that. Everyone loves the ever-loving snot out of it, and there's NO REASON to. IT'S NOT THAT GREAT OF A GAME. It's BORING. GTA IS BORING. You can only jack cars for so long before it gets old; though at least it keeps me from jacking cars in real life, as, after fifteen minutes of Vice City, I've jacked enough cars that I won't have to do any sort of jacking ever again. And people say videogames cause violence. PAH! Videogames keep us from acting violently because the violent acts aren't exciting anymore. I can never whoop another hooker because I'm so darned sick of it. I can't even hold up a convenience store. That's ALL you do in GTA, which means it isn't even worth the price of a brand new game, let alone worth all the hype it's received. MAGFest, however, is absolutely worth the price of admission. Especially the cheaper version you can only get if you act now! Enjoy the
rest of the issue. Love,
Paul Franzen |
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Past Editions of Dear Readers,: June
1, 2006: I Invented l33t |
