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GameCola Headquarters In case you're curious, I've recently discovered the Secret of Why Developers Keep Making God-Awful Games: We keep asking for them. We said they should make a new GoldenEye, and unfortunately, they made a new
GoldenEye. We said they should make a new Final Fight, and unfortunately, they made a new Final Fight. We said they should make a new
Bomberman, and unfortunately, they're making a new Bomberman. When we say we want a new GoldenEye, we mean we want a new gnarly FPS based on the Bond license and with great multiplayer. The developers, unfortunately, don't see it our way. They think it's better to make a generic shooting game with the name GoldenEye finger-painted all over it. They think fans of the original will flock to their garbage because it bears the name of a favorite game; and they also think new fans are gonna check it out because the gameplay looks sort of like Grand Theft Auto, but with a dash of Need for Speed and just a hint of The Sims. In short, it looks and plays like better, more successful games, but without that uniqueness that makes it at all interesting, and people are sure to buy it right up. Or that's the theory, at any rate. Fans of the original read a few reviews and check out a few screenshots, and immediately dismiss the game as being nothing like the original, smiting their interest in the title. New fans looking for a new game, on the other hand, completely skip over this vanilla shooter in favor of a new license with gnarly gameplay. The developers make a few bucks off the people who don't know any better, but you'd think they'd strive for much better than that. It's not like we're asking for much, really: All we want is a game that's awesome, just like the original. Not a game that's mediocre and completely unlike the original. What's so hard about that? What's so hard about just adding a little bit to the gameplay, creating a few new levels and introducing a few new characters that makes it so much more worthwhile to make rubbish instead? We're not going to buy a game called Final Fight if it's only called Final Fight. GoldenEye's not gonna be a best-seller if it's nothing like the original. (Hands up—who out there even knew there was a new GoldenEye? That's how successful the title was.) Bomberman's gonna remain a memory if anything more recent isn't worth remembering. Tampering with classics is a bad, bad idea, unless you're looking to cheese people off and develop an absolutely immaterial title. You might as well just create a new
putrid game to go along with your old putrid gameplay, rather than
involve yourself in something that could actually be worthwhile. Leave
the sequels and remakes of classic games to people who actually care. Love,
Paul Franzen P.S. The "Holy Crap Give Us a New Logo" contest rages on! C'mon guys, throw us a bone here! What more can I do for you? I'm already offering a free t-shirt (with your new logo on it, no less), and I'm already offering you this great design to start with:
What more do you want from me, blood? If you've got a logo for us, please, please, please send it on over! |
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Past Editions of Dear Readers,: March
15, 2006: Once a Year is Too Much |
