GameCola: Versus Mode (5-12)

You remember him from Loafy Carl and Neal is Awesomer than You, and you know the other him from Dear Readers, The Gates of Life and Digital Championship Wrestling. That's right! This month in Versus Mode it's:

1. Gamers should hold off on purchasing any of the next-gen systems.

Neal Iannone: I couldn't agree more. Not only should you wait 6-to-12 months before purchasing a next-gen system, you should continue to wait and not buy it all together. Who needs anything past the Nintendo Entertainment System, anyway? I for one will be holding off indefinitely, and I would be proud of anyone who does the same. Maybe I'm not "with it" or maybe I'd rather buy "food," but you won't see me waiting in line on release day. I tell you this, you're going to love this goddamn cold machine with all your heart now, sure, but they're just going to do this again in another few years, boasting that the NEW system is the greatest thing since sliced bread, and you'll eat it up as such. You think that you play video games, but it is the video games that play you.

Paul Franzen: And I couldn’t DISagree more, haw-haw! Actually, now, that’s not true at all—it’s definitely a terrible idea to buy systems at launch. Just not for the reasons you mentioned. The real reasons are that they cost too much (PlayStation 3, Xbox 360), they fall apart right away (PlayStation 2 and its disc read errors, Xbox 360 and its exploding power sources), there aren’t any good games out for them yet (everything except Super Nintendo), and they come out with newer and cooler versions about a year later for about ¾ the price (everything Nintendo has ever made). The only reason people seem to have for wanting a system at launch is to boast about having a system at launch, which nobody but those who got a system at launch actually find particularly interesting.

(That said, I sure wouldn’t complain if Santy Claus brought me a Wii for Christmas.)

2. Sony is a real heel for killing Lik-Sang.

Neal: I've never heard about it until just now, so good riddance.

Well, at least Sony's heart was in the right place?

Paul: Sony totally is! Lik-Sang are the wonderful folks who introduced GameCola to Kenshin Dragon Quest, not to mention the wonderful folks who totally would’ve been my hook-up for a Phoenix Wright skin for my DS Fattie, had I actually placed any sort of order. I’m sure they served a purpose beyond myself, as well, and it looks like Sony only murdered them because they didn’t feel like they’d had enough bad publicity lately as it was; so, all in all, I’m not sure this was an insanely great move.

3. Microtransactions are one of the most god-awful things ever to happen to videogames.

Neal: Yes, that is total hogwash. Who was the soulless corporate parasite chomping at the bit to get this instated? Who is the too-lazy-to-play-a-game sucker who's shelling out for unlockables? Wait, aren't unlockables supposed to be unlocked, not purchased? I say if you are dumb enough to pay, you deserve both an incomplete gaming experience and less money.

Paul: Hogwash indeed! As if the jacked-up prices of consoles weren’t enough of a rip-off (unless you were really that keen on owning yourself a Blu-ray player before any actual Blu-ray movies existed), now they gotta hit us up with this. Microtransactions are pretty much the worst things ever. Unlockables themselves were pretty dumb to begin with, actually; for some reason, I don’t want to invest 6,000 hours into a game before I’m allowed to play on a particular stadium. This is just taking a terrible idea to a new level, one that—mark my words!—will lead only to very, very bad things if we give it any sort of support.

4. Nintendo should alter their Virtual Console games to make them more worthwhile.

Neal: Abso-fucking-lutely not! Any changes made would automatically make them less worthwhile. Who's the dolt requesting change for the sake of change? They aren't broken. Don't fix them. Just because you can doesn't mean you should. Right about now I'd try to make some sort of joke but this makes me too damn angry.

C'mon, you know they should tinker around with this game.

Paul: I’m actually going to disagree with Neal here—there are some changes to these games that could be made. I’m thinking of Super Mario All-Stars as a prime role model here; Nintendo changed Marios 1, 2 and 3 for the better by slightly (slightly!) updating the graphics and, more importantly, allowing you to save your progress. Half (that’s not an approximation) of these old games are barely playable because the only way you can play them is all the way through in one sitting; and don’t tell me that fifty-line passcodes to start at a specific level are a great way around that, because people who think that are Communists. The updated graphics I don’t care so much about (especially since the companies would be more likely to uglify them, ala Final Fantasy III on the DS); but the ability to actually save your damned game is a must.

5. Wii should have been able to play DVDs from launch.

Neal: Well, I don't see why we're arguing about something that should've happened that didn't happen. It didn't happen. Get over it, you baby. But anyway, yeah, that's ridiculous. Why wouldn't it play DVDs? It's such an easy thing to do these days. I think my cookware plays DVDs. And to have it on there, then strip it off and sell a DVD-less Wii, wait for everyone to buy that one, then make a DVD-Wii and get 'em all excited about that one? It seems I've come full circle to the first topic. G'night, folks!

Paul: Eh. Who cares if it plays DVDs? Like Neal alluded to, everything already plays DVDs these days, so it’s not going to hurt you to own one electronic good that doesn’t. And if it means the console’s actually offered at a reasonable price, I’m all for it; I don’t know about you, but I don’t like videogame console prices being jacked up for things that have nothing to do with actually playing videogames. I already have a PS2 and a computer, so why would I need my Wii to play DVDs as well?

-- Neal Iannone and Paul Franzen {12-01-2006}