Paul Franzen
Editor-in-Chief
e-mail: pfranzen@gamecola.net

II. 

Letters:

Dear lamecola:

Your e-zine is fine, BUT, when are you going to review a real game, like Madden 2003?  Where are all the sports games reviews?  Expand your outlook!  Try something new!

PS to the Editor-in-Chief: How did you develop that bizarre signature?  Does it really say Paul Franzen?

- But we just reviewed Ice Hockey for the NES last issue!  You want MORE sports reviews!??  Okay, okay, don't ever let anyone tell you that GameCola doesn't listen to its fans.  In this issue you'll find a review of yet ANOTHER sports title -- one of the great sports titles from 2003, in fact -- : Harry Potter: Quidditch World Cup.

Oh, and about the signature -- it sure looks to me like it says "Paul Franzen".  Maybe you're reading it backwards or something?

I was reading the latest issue of GameCola and noticed in the Carbonated News that you say Pirates! was the only good pirate game made.

Now while I agree that Pirates! is an awesome game and all, I would like to let you know that there's a game out there called Sea Legends (find it at Home of the Underdogs), which is much better.

Not only do you have a storyline that you can follow, but you can raise the Skull and Crossbones whenever you want and go rampaging around taking ships, destroying towns, and other enjoyable pirate-like activities.  And all your ship-to-ship battles are in wonderful VGA-pseudo-3D glory.

Anyway, before this turns into a game review, I just thought I'd let you know about this little gem.  Oh yeah, there's also a game by Bethesda Softworks called Sea Dogs, which is supposed to be really good.  I own it, but my computer is being stubborn about playing it.

Keep up the good work (neat forums by the way).

- Well if you wanna play a game of semantics, I said that Pirates! is the "only good pirate title in the history of video games" which, of course, excludes computer games.  (Though from what I'm hearing, the new Pirates! may be computer exclusive.  Pah.)  But that clearly doesn't address what you're telling me.  To be honest, the only pirates game I've ever played on the computer is Pirates! Gold, so I can't really pass judgment on either of the titles you're talking about.  I'm sure it's possible that they're actually good; I'm just filled with doubt because most of the pirate games I've played have been lacking in non-crappiness.  Maybe I'll hafta keep my eyes out for these two titles, though.  Thanks for the info!   

did you ever think of having a midi contest?  i mean you have haiku's and other stuff, why not see if people can pull out some outrageous tunes with midi.  have people in the magazine vote for what one they like and then play that tune when you read the magazine next issue.  Just a suggestion.  i was bored and hummed the Mega Man tune in my head in midi format and got the idea, good thing was, it was during the Calc midterm and i got a B.  Another reason why Mega Man rocks!

From a long time reader and supporter of bracelets and other random factions of gamecola-

- That's a pretty good idea for a contest.. the only problem is that not many people ever enter our contests.  For the haiku contest we had something like four entrants, and the last time I checked with Jenna, we had a grand total of ONE person send in a caption for the contest we currently have going on.  If more people entered the contest, I'd be more inclined to hold them more often; but as of right now, it doesn't seem right that someone can earn a GameCola t-shirt just by being the only person to enter a contest.

Thanks for the idea, though!  We may end up using it if more people people start participating in our contests.

Poetry:

 "15 Years of Eye Strain"

Although I was born in '86
The cycle didn't start until '89
When the handheld juggernaut hit the scene
It was a boy!
A Game Boy that is
For some reason that mean green screened
Sum ma ma bitch
Was created with a gender in mind
I guess the mysterious
Ambiguous nature of the technology doesn't matter
Given the fact that it hooked more kids than the tobacco industry
Causing more children to become one with no discrimination
By every Tetris line
Every Mario mushroom
And every swing of the sword

Then in '93 came my Genesis
I soon found out how
"Sega does what Nintendon't."
"My own personal arcade" I thought
And indeed it was.
The irises in my skull were married to the Sega symbol that awakened on the TV
Once I pushed my baby's button.
I stayed committed during every gaming session
And spent quality time with my step children:
Sonic
Vectorman
And the twins
Ken and Ryu

III. 

IV.

A.

Platform: Atari 2600 
Genre: Puzzle
# of Players: 1
ESRB Rating: N/A
US Release: c. 1983
Developer: Parker Brothers
Publisher: Parker Brothers     

    Ever play a game that just makes you want to take a scolding shower to wash away the horrid experience?  If you haven't, Strawberry Shortcake: Musical Match-Ups sure will make you.  Still don't believe me?  Read on to be fully warned on this level red on the Homeland Security Terrorist rating system, then take plenty of safety precautions. 

    Musical Match-Ups is a simple matching game that involves matching the head, torso, and legs of five different characters from the series.  These characters include Strawberry Shortcake, Huckleberry Pie, Blueberry Muffin, Purple Pieman, and Lime Chiffon.  Every time you finish matching up the pieces, you get to listen to a little ditty that matches with the character you made.  It's simplistic and wows the little kiddies, so it works.

    The controls themselves are good and simple, and consist of up and down to choose the section of the body you want to match, and left and right to select the correct character piece.  Once the mundane task is done, you can press the fire button to listen to some quality music that could make a deaf man wince.

      To change up the gameplay, Musical Match-Ups offers up a few other modes, like a time mode where you have to match the chosen character for that round.  The harder modes force you to match the characters parts after hearing their theme song.  It's a nice attempt, but falls significantly short of interesting.

    I wish I could say all good things about the graphics to give Musical Match-Ups some inkling of respect, but what is done well is quickly negated by an "ugly" factor.  While the characters themselves are pretty detailed and are nicely colored, the offensive green "hillside" background is overbearing.  On top of that, the only animation seen is a pair of goofy dancing legs and the sun moving across the screen as the timer on other difficulties.  I just don't find it enough for an Atari game.

      As I stated before, the sound is craptastic.  The music itself isn't bad; it's just that the sound is too squelchy, and some of the tones are ear-piercing.  The music does have an interesting aspect to it.  Each character piece is also a part of their theme music.  Mismatching the parts will cause a mishmash of song parts; technically, this means that there are 125 (5 head * 5 torso * 5 sets of legs) song arrangements.  I wouldn't try listening to every single one, though, because there are many better games to waste your time with (a round of Pac-Man anyone?).

    While Musical Match-Ups has many creative elements to it, they are instantly destroyed by poor execution in other areas of the game on the developers part.  I suggest playing this for a laugh, or use it as away to keep a little brat busy; but don't waste your precious time with this glorified sound test. 

      - Allec Johnson

B. 

Platform: Sega Genesis 
Genre:  Role-Playing
# of Players: 1
ESRB Rating: N/A
US Release: March '89
Developer: Sega
Publisher: Sega

    I really like RPGs.  They're probably the best waste of time since counting ceiling tiles.

    Ah, but I jest.  Most RPGs aren't as boring as counting ceiling tiles.  But Phantasy Star II is!  If you like mediocre stories, futuristic settings and really, really LONG (and boring) periods of power-leveling, Phantasy Star II is right up your alley.

    The first think you'll notice upon playing Phantasy Star II is the pretty title screen showing two stoned women with hair set on fire slowly fading in.  After viewing this awesome sight, the game bombards you with a painful sequence of beeps.  This is called "music" by some, but I prefer to call it "a reason to use the mute button".  And it gets worse.  After a crazy dream sequence dictating an event from Phantasy Star, you have to actually play the game.

    You see, back when people were really stupid, they made these things called "oversights", where they didn't anticipate how their actions in the present can have an effect on things later.  Some of these "oversights" happen even in this age.  The creators of Phantasy Star II made quite a few of these "oversights".  For example, you have to level up a lot in this game.  The enemies in this game are pure evil, even at decent levels.  This is due to a, you guessed it, oversight.  It's not like the dev team behind this game had an intent to PLAY it, or anything... but whatever.  I can handle having to run back and forth for an extended period of time in order to go up a level, but this game isn't hardcore.  It's gone beyond "hardcore" into the magical realm of "unnecessary tedium".  

    Anyway, I think I bitched about the shitty music in this game earlier.  Yeah, I know it's an early Genesis game so I'll blame it on the hardware instead of the software.  I recommend you play this game with earplugs or broken eardrums.  Either one works. 

    And the controls in this game.. ah, yes, another one of those oversight things I was talking about.  As if having to power-level like a mad Everquest player wasn't enough, now you have to navigate menus over and over again to see the same spoony message over and over again: "Nei touched ASS's wounds.  The wounds are healed." (Fun fact: in most of the RPGs I play, I usually name my characters variations of the term "asshole".)  I suppose this is my fault (the ASS thing, anyway), but the menu design in this game is just pure stupid.  It closes all the menus every time you cast a healing spell (which you'll be doing a LOT).  Would you like it if Windows closed every window you've opened after you open a program?  Well, that's pretty much what this game does.  Wait, no, it doesn't.  I suck at analogies.  And this game sucks, too. 

    As for the visuals of this game, they're mostly ugly.  Strangely enough, the most detailed things in the game are the shopkeepers; they're all anime-styled.  It's like they had three different artists: a drunk one for the character designs, a high one for the enemy designs, and a misunderstood genius for the shopkeepers.  Another thing about this game is that when you read a bio of a character THEY'RE IN ALL CAPS EVERY WORD OF THEM IT'S LIKE THIS.  OH HOW EXCITING THIS PERSON WANTS REVENGE AGAINST SOME RANDOM PERSON BECAUSE SHE/HE KILLED HIS WIFE AND/OR KIDS.  Although you don't spend the majority of the game reading character bios, it still pisses me off.

     There's no reason to play this game, not even once.  Play Phantasy Star III (which is okay, if I recall) or Phantasy Star IV (which rules).  Anything except this piece of crap. 

-

C. 

Platform: Super Nintendo Entertainment System    
Genre:  Side-Scroller
# of Players: 1-2
ESRB Rating: K-A - Kids to Adults
US Release: August 1993
Developer: Konami
Publisher: Konami

    "Draw, Pilgrim!".  It's the old Wild West.  There is a price on Sir Richard Rose's head.  It's time for you to collect.  There are ten stages of gun slinging action.  Whether you're walking, riding horses, or riding trains, your goal is to defeat the boss of the stage and step closer to Richard.

    Sunset Riders is a great shoot 'em up western side-scroller.  It's even better when played with a friend.  There are four cowboys to choose form:  Steve and Billy have the quick pistols; Bob and Cormano have the shotguns.  One of each is the perfect team.  The levels have many obstacles to overcome.  Stampedes, fires, and boulders are just a few.  Each level brings a new adventure.  There are cities, taverns, mountains, and more.  Everything about the game is fun.  Even the bonus stages are enjoyable.  It's exciting to see if you can shoot all 50 targets, luck or skill.

    Music is very important in any game.  It helps set the mood.  Sunset Riders is a perfect example.  It is laced with original desert tunes that help you kill more bandits.  The voices are muffled, but that is almost average of games from 1993.  The boss quotes are memorable.  They are fun to quote at school, work, or anywhere else.  Firing bullets makes a cool, twang noise.  Explosions are muffled as well, but it isn't too bad.

     The cowboys control very well.  They are tight with the controller.  Certain areas cannot be shot from other areas.  A gun position lock with the R-button would have been helpful, but the game is fine without it.  Flipping from the foreground to the background can get confusing sometimes, but they can't be hurt while changing positions.  The horses are the main problems.  At the beginning of level 2, you are only able to shoot from the horse.  You cannot move.  The only way to dodge bullets is to jump in place.  One could get killed a lot of the jumps are not timed right.

    The graphics are average.  Nothing spectacular, but it's still good.  There are nice backgrounds of the country.  Each character is dressed in his own colorful wardrobe, so no one will get confused.  The stages are live with color, too.  This is nice, because backgrounds don't get boring.  The deadly explosions appear pixilated.  Overall, the graphics are fine.

    Sunset Riders is a game with a lot of replay value.  The ten levels are very exciting.  Launching bullets across the screen at enemies doesn't get boring.  The game provides plenty of entertainment.  With a friend, the fun might never stop.  Besides the three difficulty levels, the lives and continues can be altered.  I challenge anyone to hard mode, zero lives, zero continues.        

        If you can only play one western game, make it Sunset Riders.  It is a must play for all aspiring cowboys, bandits, and train robbers.  "Adios Amigos!" 

- Brian Vanek

D.

Platform: Super Nintendo Entertainment System (PAL)
Genre: Shooter
# of Players: 1-2
ESRB Rating: N/A
US Release: December 1993
Developer: Irem
Publisher: Jaleco

    R-Type.  The very name sends shivers of nostalgia down every self-respecting late 80's gamer's spine.  The huge bosses.  The seminal beam weapon.  That death sound.  It is a work of beauty.  It's an astounding  break from the norm; so is it's sequel.  But its threequel?  Is it any good?  Well, you're about to find out.  Unless you're illiterate.  Or blind.  But if that were the case, why would you be here?

    For those not familiar with the R-Type series, I will provide a hasty explanation of its basic mechanics.  The joystick moves.  Button 1 fires.  Button 2 releases your attached force pod (absorbs bullets for you and hosts sub-weapons).  Holding Button 1 charges your beam weapon, and releasing it fires said weapon, now (as stated) conveniently charged.  That's it.

    A simple formula, a simple premise, and simple controls.  But simple gameplay?  No sir.

    This game is tough.  I mean, really tough.  It all boils down to trial and error -- a memory test.  You must remember the patterns of bullets and obstacles and try your utmost to avoid them.  You'll have to squeeze into the tightest spots, literally pixels away from death.  You may become frustrated with the game.  I know I did.  But it just kept dragging me back.  It has a charisma and atmosphere to it that other shoot-em-ups just cannot achieve, let alone sustain.  You will genuinely dread the appearance of the bosses.  They are a shining example of early nineties gaming imagination.  A gigantic tunneling spider.  A rotating room guarded by a giant horse chestnut. A... green wall that shoots... sperm cells at you.  All are supreme tests of skill and endurance.  It's highly unlikely that you'll ever beat this game.  It's highly unlikely that you'll ever beat the transforming, deceptive maze that is level three.

    R-Type III's visuals stand the test of time fairly well.  Impressive and meaty enemy sprites and gorgeous rotating scenery up the graphical ante to impressive heights.  A remarkable lack of slowdown (especially when compared to it's predecessor, Super R-Type) and minimal sprite flicker also impress.  From my experience, R-Type III is the best looking shooter on the SNES.

    The sound is an acquired taste.  If you like simulated guitar thrashes, you'll like this.  The heavy remix of the original R-Type's first stage theme will delight series aficionados.  Then again, if you do not like simulated guitar thrashes, you will not like it.  The sound effects are a little weak, with the ultimate hyper beam weapon making a fairly pathetic "fyooow" sound.  Something that takes that long to charge up needs at least a “BABOOOOOOOSHAAAAAAAAKAAAALAAAAAA!!!!”.

    To sum up -- R-Type 3 is good.  Really good.  Unfortunately, it may not appeal to casual gamers, as the aforementioned difficulty level can become quite, quite ridiculous.  However, it's upcoming GBA re-release will hopefully give it a new audience.     

- Stuart Gipp

E.

Platform: Sony PlayStation
Genre: Role-Playing
# of Players: 1
ESRB Rating: T - Teen
US Release: June 1995
Developer: Arc Development
Publisher: Working Designs

    Arc the Lad is a game about collecting powerful items and using those items to stop a great evil from destroying the world.  While this may not be what most people would consider a "new" in video games, it doesn't make the game at all boring or tedious to play.  In fact, since this game can be easily beaten in 10 hours or less, there's not enough time to get bored of playing it.

    The game has quite a pleasant soundtrack, and the Japanese voices of all the characters are rather entertaining.  For some reason, I just find it amusing to hear the old sage Gogen shouting "DIAMOONDO DUSTO!" and "WINDO SLASHA!".

    The visuals, on the other hand, are not so pleasant.  The whole game looks more like a Super Nintendo game that was ported to PSX than a game that was made specifically for PlayStation.  Now, just because the game looks like a Super NES game doesn't mean it has to look crappy.  I mean, I love the way Chrono Trigger and Lufia 2 look, so I wouldn't normally have a problem with it.  However, although the backgrounds are acceptable enough, the characters are just plain ugly.  They all have gigantic heads and strange, deformed looking bodies... it's unnerving.  There are a few good looking cut-scenes, but generally the game is just not very pretty.

    Now, personally, I don't think that the prettiness factor of a game has much to do with how fun the game is, and that is a very helpful attitude to have for this game.  The controls are easy to pick up, especially since you don't even need to know how to work the menus to be able to play through the entire game, and the battles are fun to play.  There aren't any random encounters in this game; the only time you'll get in a fight is when its part of the storyline, or you choose to enter into a battle yourself.

    As I said earlier, the game is only around 10 hours or less long, unless you decide to do all of the side-quests, so it is very easy to play this game several times in a row without being bored.  Killing certain enemies, fighting battles with certain characters, and completing various side-quests can earn you many different items to aid you in your quest, so if you are the type of person who likes to collect every single item, you may just find yourself replaying the game many times until you find them all.

    If you are not the type of person who likes to replay games at all, you still will find this game fun and easy to play.  It is also a great game for gamers who don't have a lot of free time on their hands, and don't want to get involved in a hundred or so hour long RPG.  This game may be somewhat hard to find now, so your best bet may be to look on E-Bay or some place similar for the Arc the Lad Collection, which contains Arc the Lad 1, 2, 3, and the Arc the Lad Monster Arena, as well as a few other Arc the Lad collectibles.  I purchased said set for $49.99 I believe, which I consider a good deal since it translates to about $12.50 per game.  This game is good for anyone, so if you have any interest at all in video games, you might as well check it out. 

F. 

Platform: Nintendo Game Boy Advance
Genre: Side-Scroller
# of Players: 1
ESRB Rating: E - Everyone
US Release: November, 2002
Developer: Nintendo
Publisher: Nintendo

    What do you get when you take a superb game, wussify it with a hand-holding HAL wannabe, sissify the game engine, and put in a plot that blatantly copies Alien Resurrection?

    Metroid Fusion.  I can't even BEGIN to list all of the things that make this game the crappiest Metroid game I have ever played.  Oh wait, I can.

    First off, Fusion takes away the elements that made this series, essentially, side-scrolling Zelda in space.  Instead of searching around caverns on a planet, finding upgrades as you go, you're bossed around by a HAL wannabe who tells you to grab this here, unlock this security gate here, and kill this robot here.  The gameplay is obviously sissified because Nintendo, like all game companies nowadays, is afraid to wear the pants and release good, hard games like Ikaruga and Final Fantasy (the hardcore NES version, not any of those WSC or PSX remakes).

    To be fair, the engine isn't completely sissified.  Enemies in this installment can take off multiple energy tanks in a single hit (almost at a level of Mega Man cheapness, but I only got hit 6-7 times on my first play through).  Also, the enemy you face in this game is *awesome*.  Instead of battling Metroids (well, you do a bit of that too...), you fight an enemy that uses the exploited-often letter X in its name.  Actually, that's it' the enemy is called the X virus.   The X virus goes around the space station that MF takes place on, wreaking havoc all around and kicking ass (specifically, yours).  After killing ugly mutated monsters infected by the letter X, you have to capture the free-floating virus or it reforms, sometimes fusing with other enemies, which is awesome.  Also, Samus, whose original suit was also infected by the letter X, is in a clown suit (a very stupid looking one), and her old suit gets infected by the virus and tries many times to kick her ass, almost in a Resident Evil fashion (well, more like that HORRID movie Jason X).  So this game does have its finer points, but it still isn't worth buying, due to the fact that it just SUCKS.  Sucky suck suck suck SUCKS.

    I realize that I am being a tad immature, but there's a *lot* to be immature about... I mean, dear god, the AUDIO of this game, for one.  Instead of awesome tunes that were in the infinitely superior Metroid Prime, we get some random crap that a retarded monkey could have composted.  I think they also used the retarded monkey to pick out the sounds, because they SUCK.

    Speaking of things that SUCK, the controls in this game are embarrassingly BAD.  Gone are the wonder years of Super Metroid, where you could do astounding stunts.  Instead, we get a clumsy bounty hunger girl who has seen better days and is dressed in a FUCKING CLOWN SUIT.  JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, COULD NINTENDO HAVE FUCKED THIS GAME UP *ANY* MORE?!?!?!

    To end this review on a positive note, I'll list the things that make this game almost worth buying:

1. You can link it with Metroid Prime to be able to play the original Metroid on the 'Cube.

2. The SA-X (Samus' evil clone thing) rules.

3. The visuals are astoundingly good.  The Nightmare boss comes to mind...

4. The big N didn't do too many horrid things to Samus, like revealing that she's a tranny or something...

5. (This could be considered a good and a bad thing, but it's pretty neat, so I'll list it here anyway.) You can beat the game with nothing but a single tank of missiles, which is a good challenge.

6. It's METROID, for godsakes!  You will buy it, no matter how bad I say the game is, because it's METROID.  Let's just hope that Zero Mission is better.      

G.  

Platform: Sony PlayStation 2
Genre: Sports
# of Players: 1-2 
ESRB Rating: E - Everyone
US Release: October 2003
Developer: EA Games
Publisher: EA Games

    The bastard child of NHL Hockey, International Superstar Soccer, and Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Harry Potter: Quidditch World Cup is the best Quidditch game currently on the market.  Hopefully this situation will be rectified in the coming years; but as of now, if you wanna fly around on your Nimbus 2000 and whack bludgers at Draco Malfoy, this is the game to get.

    The rules of Quidditch have been explained again and again by JK Rowling, so I'm not about to do it again here.  Fans of Harry Potter don't need to hear it for the umpteenth time, and nonfans should consider reading the books before looking into games based on the books.  Quidditch World Cup features three main modes of play: Hogwarts, World Cup, and Exhibition.  In Hogwarts, you pick any of the four house teams and vie for the Quidditch Cup.  Along the way you are given a tutorial on how various aspects of the game work, which is infinitely helpful for the new player.  If you tried to launch right into World Cup without first playing through Hogwarts, you wouldn't have a bloody idea what was going on (though you'd probably end up winning anyway; it takes a lotttttt of plays before this game gets remotely near anything that could be considered "difficult").  The controls for QWC certainly detract from any "pick up and play" aspect it might have going for it (which could be a possible deterrent for casual gamers), but you shouldn't have trouble figuring them out if you first play through Hogwarts mode.  In World Cup, shockingly, you pick one of several national teams that are available, and broom it up for the Quidditch World Cup; and in Exhibition mode, you can go head-to-head with one of your buddies (or an enemy, or a complete stranger, I suppose) in the sport of wizards.

    QWC sports a fun orchestrated theme lifted straight from the movies, and while the main theme is a bit overused, the songs that play during gameplay fit the action awesomely.  The sound effects are perfectly acceptable, and given that I've never personally witnessed a game of Quidditch, I'd say that they sound pretty much like the real deal.  The commentators, of course, are really annoying.  Has there ever been a game where the commentary has actually added something positive to the game?  I kept having flashbacks of Wayne Gretzky's 3D Hockey (Robin Hood and his merry men are up to it again!) while playing this title.

    Each of the international teams has its own arena to call home, which are all more diverse than you'd expect from a sports title, and look fantastic to boot.  The characters don't look so fantastic, appearing a bit blocky and lacking in detail (and somehow frightening), but they are still more detailed than your average sport title character.  There are also a few cutscenes that appear during the game, and while they look quite attractive, they're extremely repetitive, and they interrupt the flow of the match, making them more of a nuisance than anything else.  Luckily, you can skip through them with the push of a button, but it'd be better if they just weren't there at all.

    Unfortunately, all of the pretty graphics and pretty music in the world aren't going to solve a fundamentally flawed game, and the same goes for QWC.  The gameplay is in need of severe alteration.  The way it stands now, you play as one of three chasers, being able to alternate between the three as needed.  You score goals and steal quaffles and do all sorts of other seeker stuff until you fill up your golden snitch meter enough for the snitch itself to be released.  The way you do this is by making use of "combos" when you score goals; but combos amount to nothing more than holding down the R button when passing.  You'll find that if you just hold down the R button throughout the entire game, you'll be able to fill up that meter in no time.  That is, of course, unless you get targeted with a bludger; despite what the game tells you, there doesn't seem to be any way to actually avoid getting smacked by the buggers, which makes you automatically lose the quaffle.

     Once you utilize enough combos to fill out the golden snitch meter (which could take anywhere from five minutes to three hours, depending on enthralled you can get yourself in the game), the snitch is released, and you switch play from the chasers to the seeker.  From there you and the other teams seeker follow a path all around the stadium, somewhat like in a kart racer, until one of you gets close enough to the snitch to actually catch it.  Whoever catches the snitch typically wins the game no matter what the score is; however, the team that has filled up more of the snitch bar gets a bigger "boost" to use, which makes you go faster along the snitch's trail.  Right around here somewhere is where my problem with the game lies.  I don't care that whoever gets the snitch pretty much always wins the game -- that's true to the books, and how it should be.  However, the whole snitch bar thing doesn't fly with me.  It'd make more sense for, before you start the game, to allow you to pick whichever character you wanna play, be it seeker or keeper or chaser or whoever, and have the snitch released right at the beginning as it should be.  If you're the seeker you can fly all around the stadium looking for the snitch (without the dumb snitch path to follow), and you spend the entire game just doing that.  Something along those lines.  If the current setup actually made the game more fun than would a setup that stays true to the books, that'd be fine; but there really doesn't seem to have been any reason to toy with it like EA Games did.

    I really wanted to like this game, and it would be a lie to say that I didn't at all.  I enjoyed it more than I enjoy most sports games (like that's saying much), but I feel that the gameplay itself needs to be altered before this can really be considered a fun game.  Two-player mode isn't too shabby, but you'll have difficulties finding somebody else who knows how the game works and can offer you some fair competition; you can't just pick up a controller and play well from the get-go.  My guess is that EA will release another one of these at the end of this year, or next year at the latest, so my advice is to just wait until then to satiate your Quidditch needs.  Quidditch World Cup certainly has the potential to be a fun game, but it's current iteration needs some serious improvement.       

- Paul Franzen

V. 

VI.

    You can enter as many times as you wish; just make sure you send all submissions to jogilvie@gamecola.net... we don't want Paul, or any of the other elite staff members, bothered with my little contest, now do we?  The winners will be announced in the April issue, so you kids have a full two months to think of your brilliant entry.  There will be a grand prize 2nd, 3rd, and honorable mention awarded, so there are many chances for you to score the oh-so tantalizing prizes we always offer.  

    So get on it already, and happy captioning!!  

- Jenna Ogilvie

VII.

Matthew Loriso's Top 10 Favorite Video Games
Pomona, CA

IX.

Chapter 10

The story so far...

X.

Sim City (SNES) vs. The Sims (MXB)

- Paul Franzen

XI.

This Issue's Topic: Tetris (GBO)

    This month I will be shedding light upon what is quite possibly THE quintessential game for a casual gamer: Tetris.  Armed with my trusty Game Boy Advance (color: glacier blue), a serious case of senioritis (prognosis: terminal), and a borrowed Tetris cartridge (props: Allec), I made it my business to rediscover the virtues of this timeless classic in every class possible.

    This "Game Pak" is for original Game Boys -- I am sure you recall the gargantuan systems of our days long past.  The gray game protruded from my newer system like an obscenely flat beer belly, hindering ease of surreptitious playing.  This phased me not, though, and throughout my school day I had no trouble seeing why this game is so timeless.  It is entertainment, pure and simple.  Mindless enough to be able to conduct a conversation while playing, yet complex enough to maintain interest, it is the perfect arcade-type casual game.

    I found the graphics to be simple, but perfectly so.  It's Tetris, nothing new and high tech, so blocks in shades of yellows and reds suffice.  The game's background music is decent as well, although a bit intense and maybe a bit more suited for marathon running than for maneuvering simulated blocks.  After a few periods of playing the traditional drop-blocks-make-lines version, I was pleased to discover a new-to-me type of game that can be selected at the main screen.  One must make 25 lines, and scores are tallied at the end based on instances of how many lines were created at a time.

    So if you are bored, seeking an old favorite, I would definitely recommend Tetris.  Most will find it to be simple fun.  For those of you who dwell within a realm of superlatives, it is the most classically casual game on the market, and most definitely worth your time.  Thanks again to Allec for loaning it to me! 

This Issue's Topic: Connecting Multiple Systems

    If you are like me or many of the other hardcore gamers and collectors out there, you'll probably have more than one console, and want to play them without the hassle of changing cords.  Fortunately, there are easy solutions to connecting all your systems that make use of RF units or composite RCA cords.

    An RF, radio frequency, unit is a special type of cord used to connect systems from NES and older to your TV.  The way they work is by sending information to your TV on a chosen channel, usually 2, 3, or 4, so when the system is on and that specified channel is playing, you will be able to see your game in all of its glory.

    When using RF, you must know that what goes in must go out.  Every RF unit is made with this simple concept in mind.  The RF unit will have your ins, the source of TV, and your outs, where the TV signal is going to connect next.  This is why daisy chaining is possible.  *Doesn't it sound sexual?*

    Daisy chaining is taking two or more RF units and connecting the first in the chain, the one getting the signal first, into another RF unit by connecting its outs to the next unit's ins.  This can be done as many times as you want until you finally choose to connect it to a TV, but the more you connect, the more your signal will degrade on the units furthest from being connected to the TV.  Also, do not play multiple systems at once on the same channel.  Just don't try it.

    Now we have the more versatile composite RCA.  "Composite RC... wha?"  you say.  Composite RCA biotch!  It is the cord with the yellow, white, and red connectors at its end.  Each color has a special purpose that everyone working with basic home entertainment should know.  The yellow is for your video.  The white is your left stereo (for your left speaker), and depending on the system or whatever you are connecting it to, will act as a mono (one speaker).  If the console is not mono, or what you're connecting it to supports both red and white connectors, the red will be for your right speaker only.

    Most likely if you are connecting RCA cords, they'll be hooking-up to the back of your VCR or TV on auxiliary parts.  But I know you freaks better than that; one connection won't meet your needs -- you desire only the finest in overkill solutions.  That is why the game selector was invented.  All you need to do is find one that meets your requirements; they'll either connect like an RF unit to your TV or require RCA connections.  Once you find one with the connection you are looking for and the right number of connections on the back, for the RCA cords, you just need to connect your consoles to the back and then the game selector to your TV.  It's like magic.

    It's time for you to play Frankenstein and give your consoles life.  I suggest looking into a power strip that supports wall-warts (the big fat power-supplies), regular power cords, connects you to cable, and is a surge protector.  The last thing you need is for your systems to go up in flames and have your TV blown.  The power strip I use has all of this and also insures whatever is connected to it for up to $75,000 in case anything goes wrong.  It's never too late to be safe, especially when it comes to video games.

    Here's a quick list of do's and don'ts:

DO's

• Draw a diagram.  If you can't figure out how to get all of those systems safely running, you can always rely on visuals to help you through your web of cords.

• Read the instructions.  There is always a diagram in the manual for your game selector, TV, and console to guide you on how you're supposed to connect the damn thing.

• For memorization purposes, try to make all of your systems run on one channel (one at a time, of course).  It makes it easier on you when switching between playing devices.

DONT'S:

• Don't turn on multiple systems on the same channel.  It could cause damage to a number of things connected.

• Don't chain your power strips.  Running one power strip off of another is bound to make something short-circuit.

    Take this information to heart and start small with three or four systems.  You don't want to confuse yourself too much on your first try.  In the meantime, game on, my brothas and sistas. 

This Issue's Topic: Sports Games

    This month, we take a look at sports games.  Just recently, I learned the more technical rules of football from Madden 2004.  I learned more about volleyball from Summer Heat: Beach Volleyball.  But if you look past all of the recent games at a gaze into the past, these games have more impact than you might think.

    When you were a child, you learn from everything.  Playing games on the NES taught me so much.  I remember learning the concept of football from 10-Yeard Fight and Tecmo Bowl.  Ice Hockey and Blades of Steel educated me on the subject of hockey.  Don't even start me with skateboarding.  Skate or Die, Skate or Die 2, 720º.  All I know about baseball to this day came from Baseball.  Same with Double Dribble and the SNES NBA Jam for basketball.

       One of the best sports games I have played is NES Open Tournament Golf.  This game sparked my interest in golf.  I'm not a devoted golfer, but I still like to golf when I can.  NES Open taught me about the fairway, rough, bunker, water, and green.  This is where all of my club knowledge came from.  I gained information on birdies, bogeys, and holes-in-one by playing this game.  There is even a bet-on-one-hole event, which informed me of gambling.  I am still playing it to this day.  In my game, the prize money is up to $1,770,000.

    Take some time to reminisce of the gold old days, when you could play video games all day without a care.  What sports concepts were introduced to you by video games?  Please discuss them on the forum.  I would love to hear it.      

- Brian Vanek